Campus Crime

As spring returns to campus, the Kernel‘s Crime Report begins to look a little more interesting as students come out of hibernation and start feeling the joy of the season. This week’s report is still mostly mundane items like theft, but there are a couple of interesting items.

March 30: Report of golf cart being driven recklessly near White Hall Classroom Building reported at 8:18 and 9:32 a.m.
Reckless driving in a golf cart? It boggles the mind to think of the reckless speeds that may have been achieved by these hardcore miscreants. I’m sure the chase was harrowing and breathtaking. The Lexington Police Department has a couple of Segway scooters that might have been a match for a golf cart if this had happened in their jurisdiction, but the Campus Police doesn’t yet have such high technology. One is left wondering whether the bicycle patrol chased down the offender with sheer legpower, or whether they commandeered one of the ubiquitous grounds crew golf carts.

April 4: Assault in progress reported, student tied to a tree at Chi Omega house. Police left after learning it was a prank.
Those wacky Greeks.


April 2: Parking meter removed from sidewalk and stolen at W.T. Young Library reported at 10:13 a.m.

Maybe one of the other frat houses lacked trees and needed something to tie a student to. Or maybe the reckless golf cart drivers took it with them so they could appear to be legally parked any place they wanted to.

April 4: Theft of a computer monitor at UK Chandler Medical Center reported at 8:38 a.m.
April 4: Theft of a laptop computer at UK Chandler Medical Center reported at 9:23 a.m

Okaaaay … is this a case of dumb thief, smart thief? Or maybe just one thief who realized his stupidity and came back for a better haul? With the prevalence of flat-screen monitors now, it’s likely that stealing a monitor wasn’t as difficult as it would have been a few years ago, but it’s still almost as stupid. The laptop was definitely a smarter grab.

March 30: Arrest made in connection with indecent exposure at W.T. Young Library reported at 11:05 a.m.
As warm as it has been, you’d think the flashers would be moving outdoors. Actually, a previous news report casts a little more light on this story: just your run-of-the-mill porn-surfing wanker who may not be fortunate enough to have Internet access at home. I wonder if this is the guy who stole the laptop, and he’s now wandering around campus looking for secluded spots within range of a wireless access point. Warwanking?

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